If I was Hannibal from the A team I’d be sparking up my cigar about now saying “I love it when a plan comes together” why? Because this Friday we travel to Prague dressed as Morris Dancers and I have just purchased the last part of my outfit, some pretty neon orange socks and all for a measly £2.00. If what I read is correct, in Prague you can buy an apartment for that sort of money, as long as it’s not on Wenceslas Square.
I’ll come on to more about that later but I wanted to say congratulations to all the lads involved Saturday, even those who came along to support. It was a hard fought game that you could argue we didn’t deserve to win but with my selfless competitive nature I don’t care how we win, as long as we win and win we did. Without wanting to sound like a kiss arse I’m surprised that K&P are positioned so low in the league because that’s the hardest game I’ve played in this season but then I missed the Hearts game.
Well done Vinny or ‘big guns’ as I hear he is affectionately called! As he came on I said to him “make yourself a hero and get us a goal” and that he did. You cant write that sort of a story, comes on with 25 minutes to go, we go down to 10 men through injury and he scores a last minute winner in front of his old team mates. I once had a very similar dream only I scored the winner and there after partied with two lesbians and Kate Garaway. We used some bacon and fishing line and did obscene things to each other, things which would make Michael Hutchins blush, if he was still alive anyway. I‘m actually typing this aren’t I…Going back to Saturday it showed how much it meant when Vinny scored. He was mobbed by players and supporters alike, that’s how it should be. I shouted so loud at full time I almost shit myself, brilliant.
Back to Prague. People keep asking me what games we have planned but it top secret, so secret I had to kill my mum after she heard me talking to Danny on the phone. She was a good mum. As a web designer or to use my official title ‘User experience architect’ it’s my job to meet user’s online expectations when browsing our website. So as you’re a user and your reading this online I guess I should set some expectations for those who are travelling to Prague. You will laugh more than you have ever laughed, you will possibly cry, see me or Banksy for examples. You will feel ill at some stage of the three days, probably even puke. You will eat, probably lots of Mcdonalds, see Landsy. You will loose all your inhibitions and dignity and will see more male nudity than any straight man would care to ever see in three days. You will experience different cultures but not much of that, you will have little sleep and what sleep you do get will be shared with other men in the room, possibly in the same bed. You will loose something, I don’t mean your anal virginity but probably a suitcase. Lastly gentleman of PBFC, rest assured one thing you will definitely get and that’s possibly the greatest weekend away you could possibly wish for.
As great hero once said before going into battle (adopted to our purpose of course):
Speech one, said by Genreral Patton to his troops about to do battle in ww2 the famous ‘blood and guts’ speech.
I’ll come on to more about that later but I wanted to say congratulations to all the lads involved Saturday, even those who came along to support. It was a hard fought game that you could argue we didn’t deserve to win but with my selfless competitive nature I don’t care how we win, as long as we win and win we did. Without wanting to sound like a kiss arse I’m surprised that K&P are positioned so low in the league because that’s the hardest game I’ve played in this season but then I missed the Hearts game.
Well done Vinny or ‘big guns’ as I hear he is affectionately called! As he came on I said to him “make yourself a hero and get us a goal” and that he did. You cant write that sort of a story, comes on with 25 minutes to go, we go down to 10 men through injury and he scores a last minute winner in front of his old team mates. I once had a very similar dream only I scored the winner and there after partied with two lesbians and Kate Garaway. We used some bacon and fishing line and did obscene things to each other, things which would make Michael Hutchins blush, if he was still alive anyway. I‘m actually typing this aren’t I…Going back to Saturday it showed how much it meant when Vinny scored. He was mobbed by players and supporters alike, that’s how it should be. I shouted so loud at full time I almost shit myself, brilliant.
Back to Prague. People keep asking me what games we have planned but it top secret, so secret I had to kill my mum after she heard me talking to Danny on the phone. She was a good mum. As a web designer or to use my official title ‘User experience architect’ it’s my job to meet user’s online expectations when browsing our website. So as you’re a user and your reading this online I guess I should set some expectations for those who are travelling to Prague. You will laugh more than you have ever laughed, you will possibly cry, see me or Banksy for examples. You will feel ill at some stage of the three days, probably even puke. You will eat, probably lots of Mcdonalds, see Landsy. You will loose all your inhibitions and dignity and will see more male nudity than any straight man would care to ever see in three days. You will experience different cultures but not much of that, you will have little sleep and what sleep you do get will be shared with other men in the room, possibly in the same bed. You will loose something, I don’t mean your anal virginity but probably a suitcase. Lastly gentleman of PBFC, rest assured one thing you will definitely get and that’s possibly the greatest weekend away you could possibly wish for.
As great hero once said before going into battle (adopted to our purpose of course):
Speech one, said by Genreral Patton to his troops about to do battle in ww2 the famous ‘blood and guts’ speech.
There is one great thing that you men will all be able to say after this trip is over and you are home once again. You may be thankful that fifty years from now when you are sitting by the fireplace with your grandson on your knee and he asks you what you did with the mighty Potblack, you WON'T have to cough, shift him to the other knee and say, 'Well, your Granddaddy stayed at home in Lowestoft.'
No, Sir, you can look him straight in the eye and say, 'Son, your Granddaddy rode with the Great Potblack to Prague and a Son-of-a-Goddamned-Bitch named Daniel Mckinley!'
Speech no 2 Said by Tim Collins to troops about to go to Iraq
There are some who are alive at this moment who will who will be plastered very shortly. Those who do not wish to go on that journey, we will not send. As for the others I expect you to rock their world. Wipe them out if that is what they choose. But if you are ferocious in drinking and winning remember to be magnanimous in victory.
Prague is steeped in history. Tread lightly there. You will see things that no man could pay to see and you will have to go a long way to find a more decent, generous and upright people than the Czech’s. You will be embarrassed by their hospitality even though they have nothing. Don't treat them as refugees for they are in their own country. Their children will be poor, in years to come they will know that the light of liberation in their lives was brought by you.
It is my foremost intention to bring every single one of you out alive but there may be people among us who will not see the end of this campaign. We will put them in their sleeping bags and send them back. There will be no time for sorrow.
If you harm the regiment or its history by over-enthusiasm in drinking or in cowardice, know it is your team who will suffer. You will be shunned unless your conduct is of the highest for your deeds will follow you down through history. We will bring shame on neither our uniform or our team.
As for ourselves, let's bring everyone home and leave Prague a better place for us having been there.
As for ourselves, let's bring everyone home and leave Prague a better place for us having been there.
Our business now is north.
