Lowestoft & District Div 1- 13/04/10
Pot Black F.C- 1
Hearts of Oak- 0
Match Overview- Sometimes, when you least expect it you get something you just didn’t think you’d get. It’s like when you go to Mcdonalds and you open up your bag after rushing through the drive through to find that the retards in the baseball cap have given you someone else’s bag and its full of burgers, nuggets, and chips when all you were after was a cheeseburger and small fries, or when you pull a lass only to get her home and find she has a cock... possibly not so pleasing.
When we stared down the barrel of the gun and saw that our next two games included the of that time league leaders along with last year’s champions the chick with a dick wouldn’t have been too bad as we didn’t expect much. Well screw me like a dirty prostitute, we’ve only gone and got us 6 points from the two games!
I was going to say this result is like David bringing down Goliath but that isn’t fair, Hearts have had a crap season and they are far from the Goliath they have been in the past and we are no shy retiring David, it was more two teams with a lot of history only this time the history books had a new chapter... PB 1 Hearts of Oak nil.
The game started with Hearts as usual coming out of the blocks at a fast pace, strong into every tackle and quick to charge the PB players down giving l’orange very little time on the ball. On several occasions Hearts were slightly over zealous in their ambition and it was there ambition that slightly outweighed their ability as challenges changed from strong to reckless. Max Wall saw the worst of the bunch as the red and whites frustration boiled over; his quick feet saw him shimmy out of trouble only to have a pointless tackle round his knees. The ref deemed it a foul and pulled the play back but after a quick “you’re a very naughty boy” the hearts player walked away with no caution. I can only assume the ref forgot to sharpen his pencil or Suffolk FA’s monthly quota for cautions had been reached with the two sending’s off from last week?!
Hearts continued with the lion’s share of the possession but the back line of Sherwood, Sterry, Laws, and the Boyds stood strong and matched every attack like there life depended on it. Kirk ‘the poet’ Gowing proved to be tricky starting his runs out wide and arriving late collecting the ball from all across the front line but to our amazement the instructions from the bench were “play closer to Johnny” ... cheers gaf, made our job a whole load easier. A scrappy 45minutes played out with neither side have any real clear cut chances but with every passing minute the boys in orange grew in confidence and we started to believe that there was something in it for us.
The second half started with a renewed enthusiasm from PB. Chances started to appear and the middle pairing of Max Wall and Simon Durrant started to have more of the ball. This played into our hands as the centre pairing started to release Bird and Harvey down the wings exposing the 3-5-2 that Hearts had opted for. The mercurial Durrant was causing more problems as he broke into the box as Max Wall soldiered on after braking a nail in the earlier challenge.
The balance swung in favour of PB and a swirling Durrant free kick into the box saw Adam Bird defy the laws of gravity leaping above everyone to flick it on and a seemingly goal bound header was alleged to have beeen cleared off the line. 60% of the pitch, PB players and those within Hearts honest enough to admit it, thought the ball had crossed the line but the ref held up his hands and declared “he couldn’t see it, so he couldn’t give it” and let’s be honest, ‘Beech’s’ prodigy running the line would have never have given us that. By this point it was clear the game was going to be won with a cheap kidney punch of a goal and those with the most guts, determination and stamina would win the day.
Years of disappointment, resentment, and aggression saw PB push on and take the ascendance in the final 25 minutes and when another Targer free kick was deftly flicked on Darren “ton head” Laws we all held our breath as the hapless Hearts keeper could do nowt to prevent the ball from dropping into the bottom corner. Like an aggravated wasps nest Orange shirts ran around with sheer jubilation and delight, I almost shit myself and contemplated tonguing Norman Boyd as he celebrated like he’d won at bingo on one of his saga holidays but there was still more of the game to play.
We defended from the front and every player on the pitch gave there all, Hearts threw everything at us and brought on extra strikers who added nothing more than a sly Glaswegian kiss to Adam Bird when the ref had his back turned. Stupid boy, anyone who knows Birdy knows that feeble attempt at taking him out was pointless, his head is full of rocks and you’d be better off removing the fruity from the club if you wanna hurt him.
As time went on Hearts threw more men forward but by now PB had built a Berlin wall at the back and nothing was getting through without ze’papers. Durrant looked to seal the game in the death as he was released clean through to go one on one but the keeper to his credit made himself look big and managed to stop him in his tracks as Targer fluffed his attempt to slide it past him. Max Wall retired early with bad hair and the lively Jordan Wardrope replaced him looking sharp despite having six month off with Malaria. Rob Cooper made bail and came on late with Will Denton replacing Ian Wilson and Adam Bird so in some way every person in the squad contributed to an excellent team result. Hearts may argue they had no recognised keeper and were without star player Zac Coleman but we were missing a handful of players who all have featured in the team this year. More importantly we were missing 2 studs, some hair gel and a spare pair of pants, oh and we were also without our talisman and gay icon of a manager Danny ‘Barry Gibb’ Mckinely (pictured above).
What next? Norton this Saturday and if I was them I’d be looking over my shoulder thinking “I don’t fancy playing these lot right now” and rightly so we have toppled the best so bring em on.
Goals- Darren Laws
G & H Windows and Doors M.O.M- I think this can sometimes be a copout but on this occasion everyone played a part and you can’t fault anyone so well done, a team m.o.m!!
