Well gents, what can I say, after the success of Poland 07 I once again find myself sitting at my computer (at work) pulling together dossiers on each player, whilst contemplating how on earth I’m going to top what can only be described as an epic adventure to the brink of alcoholic annihilation and back. We owe those memories to the wonder of cheap vodka and an idiot who can’t abide by his own drinking rules but most importantly a great bunch of players, supporters and friends.
This year we are heading to the Slovak capital of Bratislava and unlike last year we have breached the 20 head count - hallelujah to one game wonders, off shore rigs closing down for the weekend and people with just one name. If I’m honest I’m slightly nervous as not only has the 20 head count been breached but so has the ‘two night session’ law. Years of experienced drinking tells me that not only am I still useless at saying no to every consumable beverage but also my body can only really sustain two night of sleeplessness and hard drinking. Gone are the days of 18- Herpes lads holidays where I could drink for 7 days solid and masturbate all night to the sound of Smithy humping some fat lass….oh come on who am I kidding I could never do that! So it was It’s fair to say my heart missed a beat when I discovered that due to Ryanair’s piss poor flight times not only we would have to endure a night of ‘tales of taxi fares to Scotland’ with Ian or ‘unexplainable hard on’s’ with Rod but also we would be facing another night on the sauce locked in at PB hq.
Now, I’m not gonna patronise you this time with a speech on how to pace yourself or how to avoid making a scene with customs and immigration but I will say this, if you don’t make it on the plane you make your being left behind. OK so I should preach what I teach but everyone makes mistakes that’s why cars have bumpers and pencils have rubbers! I’m a year older, a year wiser where as Darren and Birdy…well they are just wider, welcome to the lager and diet plan written by Dr Ross Jones-Mckieth!
So the story so far….booking has been quite tricky, it would seem cheap flights don’t do what they say on the tin. Fee’s are added for check in at a mighty £14 which might not seem to bad when you consider I have to fit 6 pairs of shoes, my straightners, three different conditioners for different weather types and a carrier bag full of Canasten for that nasty water rash I get. It also means cost may go up, I’m likely to have enough for the flight and accommodation but the bus we may have to sort out nearer the time, sorry those of you who are hard up students and tough shit to those who are just tight bastards. Seem to have got the names right for everyone this year although my documents tell me Mark Lansdale is coming. Some guy handed me a cheque who looked a little like him but unless he has been on the Keith Doddington yoyo diet I’m convinced he is still incarcerated for health reason due to an unsuccessful legal battle with a Lucky Star of Norwich over there ‘all you can eat’ policy.
Anyway, not much more to add at this point really other than I’m so excited I let a little wee out every time I think about it! Start looking at your drinking fitness, we don’t want any early nighters this time, you know who you are. For gods sake check you have an up to date passport, if you even have one and get your medical card – unfortunately Chlamydia and Crabs are not included in the cover. For more information on medical problems when abroad speak to our resident expert Dr Fattyhead Hypochondriac or as we like to call him Danny McKinley (Ray to his friends).
God speed the lads on tour and I’ll be in touch soon!
PS I have attached a picture of the loo’s from one of the local bars, you should see where the hand wash comes from!
